No Spoilers...Maybe - Distant Words Publishing

I always read the last chapter of a book before I officially start it.

Oh, I know, this is an unpopular thing...well, that's just me. I was doing that last night after getting a new book on my kindle to start and it got me thinking. Why do I do that?

I'm sure it's not because I am an uber control freak...

Um, ok, maybe that's a part of it.

Controlling the content to ensure it's going where I want it to? Making sure there's a happy ending at the end of the borrowed Kindle book? That could definitely be a contender for why.

But ultimately, I think I figured it out last night. At 3am when I couldn't sleep and I'd turned back to this new book - already knowing how it was going to end and comfortable to keep reading - I figured it out.

And it is a part of my control issues. I cannot control anything within my life, being too unpredictable as it always has been, though lately it's been even more chaotic. But I can control what I read and ensure that it's what I want to dive into.

But it really is more than that.

There is so much going on these days and unpredictable seems to be the word of the day. Some days reading is the only escape that I have and, my goodness, is it needed. There is a form of desperation that I feel now and then to just escape into the words and find myself immersed in a different, happier world. The audiobook narrator or the words written on the page jump out and pull me inside, warming my skin and my heart with the story.

That desperation can be consuming for a word addict like me. Some days the addiction shows in the form of me writing things - a blog, for instance? - and others it's consumption of the already written word. Books and audiobooks of all shapes and sizes fill my phone and my heart and make my life just that much easier.

So, now that I've come out as a "word addict", let me get back to my original point - since the words are just vomiting out of me this morning. Reading the ending. Right, that's where I was.

And why do I do that? The control, the ensuring the book is going somewhere I need it to...but is that the end of it? 3am is the time for deep thoughts, many of which may be gone by the next morning, but last night is still with me this morning.

And this is the crux of it, my friends: I don't like surprises.

I secretly find myself searching for spoilers for movies I want to see, reading the last chapter of a book first, writing the ending of my own stories before I begin them for real...and maybe it does just boil down to me trying to control an aspect of my life while so much of it can't be controlled right now, but ultimately I think it's because I'm scared of not getting what I want. Of that surprise coming in at the end and not being what I had hoped.

Well, that can't be true. There have been many endings that weren't what I expected, but I found that I enjoyed them anyway. Maybe it's just that I have to know how things are going to end before I start them. Truly, that could be it.

And now I've rambled for a while. What about you? Do you read the ending of the book first before you decide if you will start it? Or am I a crazy person? (Please don't answer that last question)